We each picked out a pastry- I got a chocolate croissant and Matt chose a cinnamon scone and we decided to split them. We discovered that Elizabeth thinks that cinnamon scone is one of the greatest inventions of all time. After we finished our pastries, we decided to split a bread bowl of chicken noodle soup. (Elizabeth also enjoys bread and chicken noodle soup, in case you were wondering. She enjoys it enough that a large hunk of bread had to be removed from her mouth because she got a little exuberant.) We only spent about $8, but it was one of the nicest nights I’ve had in a while.

My kind of sore throat over the last couple of days has developed into an actual sore throat and a general feeling of blech. My first thought was that I caught it from Mrs. Spit, but then I realized that she lives really far away and that you cannot catch illness via internet. Yet.

As of yet, I am the only one in the house who is ill, but I predict that Matt will have it by Saturday. When there is a germ strong enough to take me down, Matt never escapes it. In the meantime, he is taking care of me. He rubbed my back for me last night so that I could fall asleep and he got up this morning with the baby so that I could sleep in a bit.

My sweet baby played with Matt for two hours this morning, and then escaped and crawled to the bedroom door and started pounding on it. When I opened it, she wiggled with joy at seeing me.

I am feeling better than I was last night (when the baby woke up three times between 12:00am and 1:00am…) but not well yet. I am rather good at beating down illness pretty quickly, so I am hopeful that this won’t last. (Also, the sweet baby then went back to sleep and slept until 7:30am, so I forgave her. Six hours of uninterrupted sleep is rather unheard of for me.)

Matt: “Jen, are these blocks in alphabetical order?”
Jen: “Um, yes?”
Matt: “You are crazy, you know that, right?”
Jen: “Yes, I know that.”
(insert pause)
Jen: “Wait, I mean the baby put them in alphabetical order. She’s a genius, I’m not crazy!”

What I did not tell him is that I’ve started putting the blocks away in reverse alphabetical order, to make it more challenging.

Two nights ago, I put them in reverse alphabetical order, but with the animal sides facing up instead of the letters.

Last night, I put them away in alphabetical order, but with the number side facing up.

It seems like there might be better uses for my time. Oh well.

“Morning, Mama, why are you waking me up? No one ever wakes me up, I wake them up! Okay, we can have Os for breakfast and nana, I like Os! We are getting dressed now, why are you putting on my socks, I don’t wear socks in the summer? Okay, let’s go in the car, I like the car! Riding, riding, riding, that stuff out the window is interesting to look at. We are stopping, get me out of the car! Get me out of the car! Hurry! My legs are kicky with excitement because you are getting me out of the car! Let me help you with that pen. I can scribble it on that paper if you will just give it to me. Another room? Okay, what’s in here? This is the MOSTEST fun toy ever! Have you seen all these beads?!? I can move them! Fun toy! Fun toy! Fun toy! Mostest fun toy! Hello, boy. Have you seen this fun toy? Look at that, your Dada just gave you some trucks and you aren’t even paying attention to them. Boy, I am going to take these trucks for my own. No, Mama! Don’t take these trucks. That boy isn’t even using them! See, his Dada said I could play with them. Hah, I am the winner. I wonder how this truck tastes? NO, Mama, don’t take this truck. Fine, I’ll play with this bead toy again. Fun toy! Fun toy! Mama, did you hear that? Some lady just called my name. Oh, where are we going? Why are we leaving fun toy? Okay, let’s go in this other room. Why are you taking my clothes? At least I wore a diaper that matches my socksies, that was lucky. WHOA. Do not stick that THERE. WHOA. Okay, good, we’d better leave that room if that is what they do in there. Yes, I will sit on this scale. What’s a pound? They better be good if I have twenty-three of them. No, no, no, no, no, no. I will not lie still on this thing! No, no, no! Do not squish my head up against this flat thing and make that lady let go of my leg and stop stretching me! No, no, no, no, no, no! Okay, that’s better. Yes, carry me, Mama lady. That’s better. We are back in the little room again. Look! I found my clothes on this chair! I will pull them down and examine them. What’s in this diaper bag? Anything interesting? Mmmm, I am chewing something good! Chew, chew, chew. Hey, no, Mama, don’t stick your finger in my mouth! Hey, give that back! I was chewing it. What’s a rock? Why can’t babies chew rocks? I found it here on the floor. Obviously someone left it for me. Fine, I’ll swish my clothes around on the floor again. Hey, who is that guy? Why is he coming in our room? Pick me up, Mama lady. I have stranger danger and he is not to be trusted. See, he’s putting a thing on my chest. I told you he wasn’t to be trusted. I will just use my skills to climb up your neck a little, Mama, so that you can protect me from this guy and his stuff. No! Don’t put me on this table! I don’t lie down! I’m big! I sit up! Hey, guy, don’t look in my ears. No, no, no, no! And no! Don’t look in my mouth! My teefs are secret teefs and I do not show them to anyone! No! Fine. I will accept this stick. What is a “token of your esteem?” It looks like a stick to me. It is only right that you should give it to me after you stick it in my mouf. This is a great stick. It is so nice for chewing. Yum, delicious stick. Bye, strange guy. I like your sticks. Hey, Mama, we are getting me dressed again. Great, as long as I can keep chewing my stick. No, we don’t change my diaper here, this is not my table. I will yell about this! Okay, who is this lady? Wait, I remember you, you were the one who stretched me. I did not like that. And now you want me to lie down? I do not lie down, I am Big. OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. WHOA. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! HOW DARE YOU STICK THAT SHARP THING INTO MY THIGH? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I AM YELLING REAL LOUD TO WARN ALL THE OTHER BABIES! RUN, OTHER BABIES! THIS LADY STICKS SHARP THINGS INTO YOUR THIGH. Okay, my yelling scared her off. Mama, I am still pretty mad though. Do you see these tears? Yes, let’s go, I don’t like this place. Even if they do give me good sticks. Okay, back in the car again. I am so tired. Why shouldn’t I fall asleep? How long is five minutes? Then we’ll be home? Okay. Fine. But talk to me so I don’t fall asleep. Look! We’re here! Get me out of my seat! Get me out of my seat! Hi, Dada! They stuck things in my thigh!”

I had brief thoughts of “really?” But I made a conscious decision to trust. I would infinitely prefer to support someone who turns out to be lying rather than doubt someone who is telling the truth about the most awful thing that can happen.

Because the truth is that with billions of people living on this planet, the odds are that yes, these events could happen to one family. If I end up being wrong…well, that is the kind of wrong I want to be. I hope I am wrong. I would be thrilled to be wrong. In the meantime, I choose to trust and to support.

Lightning does strike the same place twice. Even three times.

This time, she didn’t yell. I figured that she had fallen immediately asleep when I put her down. (If she’s sleepy enough, this happens most of the time.) Then I went to listen outside the door and heard her jabbering away to herself. So I waited for the screaming to begin. She yelled a couple of times, kind of “hey, come get me, I’m awake!” yells, but no screaming. The jabbering and singing to herself went on for more than twenty minutes. When I went back to check the last time, I stood silently outside her door, listening for noise. I didn’t hear any, so I got a flashlight and quietly opened the door. I found her asleep. Asleep! Then I went to the living room and had this conversation:

Jen: “The baby face has sung herself to sleep.”
Matt: “I don’t believe it.”
Jen: “No, really. I went in there and checked. She’s asleep.”
Matt: “This has never happened before.”
Jen: “I know! She’s sleeping with one arm underneath her.”
Matt: “As usual.”

Yes, often she will sleep with one or both arms pinned underneath her body. It looks dreadfully uncomfortable to us, but she seems to like it. When she sleeps on her side, she will usually have both arms jutting out behind her back. She misses that swaddle and must replicate it the best way she can.

She gets very clean from the knee down.

MT: “Hey, baby! I am going to be a Big Brother, you know. I must practice. Eat this Cheerio.”
Elizabeth: “Of course you shall feed me while I recline in my throne.”
MT: “Open up! Here comes another one!”
Elizabeth: “Aaahhh”

MT: “Hah! I swooped it right into my mouth! I told you that I was practicing this Big Brother stuff. I cannot be too nice. I must keep you on your toes!”

Elizabeth: “Argh. It is a good thing I do not have a big brother. I have dogs. They eat my Cheerios too, but only the ones I drop.”

Thanks for the fun day, Farah and MT (Future Big Brother). We had a lovely time. Elizabeth had a good day of fun and naps and she went to sleep properly tonight! (Rejoicing throughout the land!) (Also, MT fed Elizabeth dozens of Cheerios before swooping in and stealing one back as her mouth nearly closed upon it. That is what made it so hilarious.)

Tonight, it gave me patience. Many nights when I’ve been up with a yelling baby, I thought about how many women I know who would give anything to switch places with me. Tonight was one of those nights. I just (just now) got Elizabeth to sleep, three and a half hours after I began. I am still paying the price for messing up her routine two nights ago. (I didn’t realize how dependant she was getting on this routine until I changed it.) Sleep has really been going very well lately, so it was kind of an extra blow when it wasn’t, again, all of a sudden.

At first I was frustrated and irritated. But I sat down with her in my chair and thought of all the babies I know that should be here and aren’t. Of Gabe, and Lucy, and Jet. Of babies that are known just by due dates that should have been. And even of babies that haven’t yet been conceived but are still wanted and missed desperately.

Suddenly, sitting with a baby that won’t sleep was a gift.